because reality is finally better than your dreams." (Dr. Seuss)
I'm jealous. Jealous because other people can write their own thoughts without hesitations. They just want to let their emotions out in the open. Not caring what other people think. They just write. There's nothing wrong with it, really. Then again, I remembered our discussion in our comparative literature class. How would you know if there's any bearing or meaning in what you're writing? That maybe you're just writing for your own sake. Honestly, I am guilty of doing this. If you've been reading my entries, yes..I write about my side of the story. Sure, maybe there are other people who could relate to what I'm saying but...it only ends there. I remembered my professor telling us that there are essays that are mind-numbing..and you're just reading it just for the sake of reading something.
I remembered one of my spiritual direction sessions. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the kind of person who's very consistent and religious in the spiritual aspect. But someone told me that the relationship between you and God should be mutual. Obvious naman yun di ba? Yet it's more difficult than it sounds. Apparently, I've been praying for my family, friends, problems, and so on. That my prayer seems to be one-sided...it only comes from me. Vanity. Probably one of the most common sin of mankind. I can't remember if I have truly given Him the chance to talk or listen to what He's trying to say. Everyone has their own empty space..and it's up to them how they can fill that space. Prayer may be one of the ways to do that. Nevertheless, it can never be done alone.
Like in non-fiction writing, there's no chance of dreaming about your ideal plot, characters, setting, and so on. Everything that you'll be writing is about reality...and you'll be keeping in mind that there are readers who want to understand what you're writing about. I felt challenged with that kind of calling...because how can you make a simple subject so profound in the eyes of other people?
Then again, life is never easy. It just never is. But that's not enough reason to be hard on yourself and to stop you from doing what you need to do. I need to write. Some people may agree or disagree with it. Some people may even mock what I'm saying. Whatever reaction that may be, I let it out because it feels so much better to be free than to let the idea hide in the dark.
