I need to find something to do for the summer. It scares me how I have too much free time..I become very reflective..too reflective that I begin thinking about lots of things..and it's not very healthy. I'll just finish participating for the baccalaureate mass for educ tomorrow (I just started joining their practices last Monday), and start polishing my resume. I'll fix my room and all of my handouts during the weekend. Then I'll go look for a part-time job next week. If nothing happens, I'll finally apply as a volunteer storyteller for Adarna House. At least I'll start doing something else..although earning money would be really better nowadays.
It's been awhile since I last prayed seriously. Because of the acad load and org activities for the past months, praying has been on the rocks for me. Yeah. It's not an excuse but..it's all I can think of. Probably, I don't give enough time. I keep on telling Him about what's been happening..and the most important thing I forget to do is listen to Him and know who He truly is, as what I've realized in my SD sessions with Bro. Bros. (Haha..it has also been three months since my last session). But during the middle of the schoolyear, I start listening to what He's telling me.
I remembered my professor, Sir Aureaus, telling us that we need "aesthetic distance" so that we would not read too much what we all ready see. But then he added, not to make that distance too long because the inspiration may fade away. Ah. Now I remembered why I wasn't as consistent in praying as before. I've been trying too hard. And as I mentioned in my last entry, "That when you struggle even more, things can get worst."
So I went out instead. And I appreciated even more what is around me..at home, in school, in ictus, csc choir, upsec, everywhere. Even though some moments make you want to fall apart, I still have faith as almost everyone around me have.
But now is the best time to talk to Him again. I just did. It made me have a different view of the things or changes happening now. It really depends how we adapt to these changes..if you're willing to make new things along with that change...to fight or to allow these changes to lose the good things that you already have.
Although I know we can't have everything. But..I guess I prefer fighting and getting hurt in the end than regretting something I should have done.